Do's & Don'ts of Supporting Someone with Complex Post Traumatic Disorder or Post Traumatic Disorder

People with CPTSD or PTSD sometimes gets mistaken for Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) or Anxiety. I’ll tackle this on my next article, but for now I’ll be discussing the DO’S and DON’TS when supporting someone you know with CPTSD/PTSD.

Having CPTSD or PTSD leaves you feeling constantly on edge or as if danger is lurking around every corner. You may feel cut-off from people and your own feelings. You may have difficulties concentrating or find that you get angry at the drop of a hat. Often times you may feel numb or feel hopeless. There are days that you seem normal, and then you get triggered or experience a flashback. Suddenly everything feels out of control, simply because it makes you feel like it’s all happening again in real life. Which makes it hard to the extent that it leaves you emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. It takes a lot of practice to be able to function and be mindful in everyday life.

Supporting a loved one with this type of condition can be quite challenging. One of the things we can do is just be there for them, listen, and give space when needed. Please try to avoid telling them things they already know or something they’ve heard before like: “move on it’s in the past”, “what you went through was not that bad”, “suck it up and move on!” and “God will not give you anything you can’t handle.”

One of the things that really made me feel like crap was this, “it’s all in your head!” and when someone try to compare their own experience. What happens when you say these things? They feel invalidated, worthless or they’re not trying hard enough. Which makes it worse on their end. We should try to avoid comparing our experience(s), because what’s not traumatic for you can be traumatic for them. All they need is patience, love, compassion and support without judgment. The first time I heard someone say to me that it’s all in my head, made me feel so angry and I felt like I was going crazy.

It’s necessary to be mindful about the things you say to someone suffering with trauma. Worst-case scenario is that you might push them to the edge and nobody wants that.

The best thing you can do if you want to support someone you know with this type of injury is to educate yourself. This way we avoid misunderstandings and we don’t make things worse for both parties. It’s already hard enough battling unwanted thoughts, triggers and flashbacks. Know that sometimes it’s hard for them to distinguish the difference between their flashbacks or reality. There will be days that they will seem happy or normal, and there will be times that it’s bad again. This is all part of the process.

Unlearning things that the abuser inflicted in you and identifying who you truly are, plus regaining yourself back after an abuse takes time. Like I mentioned in my previous article, healing is like a roller coaster ride – which takes a lot of patience and practice.

Although the articles are about PTSD, it still applies for Complex PTSD. Here are few helpful guidelines I found online:

• https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/helping-someone-with-ptsd.htm

• https://medium.com/@LSWLondon/the-dos-and-don-t-s-of-helping-a-loved-one-with-ptsd-4da1b618099

• https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-to-know-about-ptsd_n_56cddb03e4b0928f5a6deb07

Battling with this kind of brain injury is never easy; patience is key and a lot of understanding. Know that we never wanted this to happen, we apologize and we are trying our best. Please bear with us while we overcome it.

Light and love Xx